fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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