Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
