i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
