Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Found the puke drawer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
