at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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