I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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