Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
