I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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