Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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