Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
