Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
