i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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