remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
