my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
