I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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