Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh god it's open bar.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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