Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
