dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
