my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
