'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
