I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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