We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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