guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
