Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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