Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you had me at cake vodka
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
