If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think my moral compass just broke
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