I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
