Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
