So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
