I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
