I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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