I cannot find my penis.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
