She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
