sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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