did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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