Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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