i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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