I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
