pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He shit in the fireplace
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
