i don't like sucking hair
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
