I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
