im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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