what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
