I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
