I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
