She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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