Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
