You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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