ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What a dumb baby whore.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
