Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am one with the molecules
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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