I heard we made out
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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